possibly contagious on 2007-03-04

The thing is....

I might be the one with the problem. Not Becca. She's great. A part of me is really proud of her that she's better than I ever epected.

I made her cry. Is that uncalled for or what?

It was sort of like this, making a clean slate situation. Only, its a mess. A real mess to clean up afterwards.

And I started with Jules and all that. How I used to feel when I was, you know, really nieve about love, sex, the whole nine yards. And how much I had counted on her. And I have. I did. And when that was gone. It was so 'how can it be?' situation. And how things haven't been the same since.

Really, that wasn't even all that tragic. Then all this Maybe shit. How did that happen? I keep asking myself.

And I wanted to know. I wanted to know who has she been with? Did she ever really love them? Did she still have it bad for anyone else?

How could she like me, anyway? Really. I'm quite pathetic. I'm not even sure where I'm going. I don't think things are great being at the library. Just part-time. It might even still be part-time if I do get my degree.

But somehow, the weight of the world is lifted now. And after several moments of tears and what not, here we are. Together.

And she's not this girl anymore, feeling her way through boys and friends and trying to impress anyone. She says I make her smile when I'm not even around. She told me I'm wonderful, and I don't seem to see it. And a part of her is happy that no one knows it but her.

I don't know if I deserve this, but she does make me happy. I have to let myself absorb it, enjoy it and smile. Absolutely.